Like two weeks ago I forgot about my new Movie of the Week series. To make up for it, I’m recommending two Israeli films that chronicle the life of one man, Yossi. In the 2002 feature, Yossi & Jagger two men fall in love, but each are soldiers, and closeted. Jagger dies, and Yossi is left broken-hearted. Ten years later the story picks up with Yossi who is now a doctor but alone, unhappy and haunted my memories of his one true love Jagger. Closeted, and stalking Jagger’s family, he eventually attracts the attention of a young man named Tom, who just might be his salvation. There you go! Watch!
Posts from the ‘Gay’ Category
Yesterday afternoon I was walking down Church St. when a group of men driving a truck started laughing at me. I was wearing a pair of green shorts with a tank top, because the weather was hot and that’s what gay guys do.
I knew their look well. It’s what a lot of straight guys do when they’re confronted by gays. It’s that look where they try to convey how silly and repugnant gay people are, and they often throw in a little laugh and sometimes shake their head to signify just how repulsed they are at the freak show before them.
Walking in front of me was an older gay couple holding hands, this is a common occurrence in gay-friendly Toronto. The men in the truck pointed and laughed, while I stared back at them. I wasn’t going to feel intimidated because we don’t adhere to their narrow-minded conventions, so I locked their eyes, but I’m sure as they sped away they muttered about how I was trying to seduce them.
It probably left them secure in the fact that we, meaning gay people, exist to entertain them. We’re so laughable, such a joke in the minds of these men that we can’t possibly be taken seriously as living, breathing human beings. We must know our place as silly nellies.
In retrospect I appreciated their restraint. In the past straight men have actually thrown objects from their moving vehicles at me; once it was a book (how did they know I like to read?), and more than once I’ve had to endure public humiliation by being called a “FAAAAAGGGGOOOOOOTTTTTT” by a group of cowardly men, driving their parents’ car.
So okay, I prefer being laughed at then yelled at. Seriously though, why do guys do this? What’s their problem, and why are they so afraid all of the time? Secure people don’t have to go around trying to make people feel inferior.
On Saturday I was reading a fellow bloggers recent post about an anti-homophobic demonstration in Georgia (the country) that was hijacked by anti-gay clergy who beat and attempted to kill many of the gay-rights supporters. I would link to her post but it appears she has removed it.
Again I beg the question, what are these straight individuals so afraid of? Their fear is so massive that they will kill because of it. They will commit the greatest atrocities to tell gay people that they are worthless, valueless and sick. Their hatred means so much to them that they will violate gay people’s physical autonomy. All of this is perfectly logical in their minds, and worse, they have the support of many people.
I grew up Catholic, and while attending Catholic school I was told several times by teachers that gay people were biological defects, deserved of pity, but not tolerance. The individuals who felt so comfortable expressing these beliefs always cited the book of Leviticus as evidence or justification of their archaic and barbaric reasoning.
Of course, anyone who opened the book of Leviticus and read it for themselves would learn pretty quickly that it lists a whole load of activities humans should not engage in. Among them are not eating shellfish, or wearing two types of fabrics, or shaving their beards. All these “crimes” are considered abominations and punishable by death. Oh yeah, and you’re not supposed to have sex with a woman during her period. But it’s okay to rape her if she’s not putting out when you want her to. After all she’s supposed to submit to the wants and needs of men at all times.
I mean, we all understand that these rules are fallible, and antiquated and well, stupid. But the gay thing stays with us, primarily because people are fixated on what two men do together during sex. I mean, I think that’s the reason. I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about heterosexual sex, and to be honest the very idea gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I live with it!
Perhaps what gets straight men so worked up is that there is a passive recipient in gay sex. Maybe they’re bothered by effeminate gay men because, as well all know, being feminine is considered weak, and why would anyone want to be weak? It does make me laugh to think about how much more pain women endure during their lifetime compared to men, and how high their pain threshold is while men succumb so easily to the common cold.
Considering how corrupted men are, especially when it comes to the whole sex thing, the way that they create boys’ clubs, and actively exclude anyone who is different, how they’re prone to violence, I would argue that it’s straight men who are actually the weakest of all groups.
Straight men. Dear God. Sometimes I can’t believe that I have to exist on the same earth as so many of them. Ladies, don’t let them beguile you with their mediocrity. Trust me when you and your gay bestie are off, they’re talking about how fuckable some lady friend is, and how gross gay men are. Lesbians are okay, because they exist to titillate their sexual fantasies. Let’s not forget that a lesbian’s only purpose, is to give a straight man a boner. They don’t have time for the feminist lesbians though. They’re CRAZY! All this talk about equality, and they don’t even shave their legs. Gross.
There’s this thing that straight men do, that bothers me above all else. Even more than the hating gay people thing and yelling obscenities from their moving cars. The one thing that irks me the most is that they always think they’re an authority on everything. They know it all, even when they’re grossly misinformed.
If there is one topic that I know more than most people, it’s tennis. And every now and again, I like to test a straight men’s inferiority complex by talking about the latest tennis news and what not. Sure enough, each time the straight man, in all his manly knowledge, pretends to know something about the topic, even though I spend most of my time correcting him. But I’m wasting my breath, he’s a MAN, sports is his domain, and I’m a lowly gay. Barf.
To be fair, straight women can be just as bad. I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked, “Who’s the man and who’s the woman in the relationship?” Or the proclamation, “I don’t believe in gay marriage.” Who cares what you believe? Because you’re a bigot, and don’t believe in equality, it means that every gay person must accept legal limitations on their freedom to make you comfortable?
Once I was walking by Massey Hall in Toronto when a group of straight girls drove up to me, and asked “Are you gay?” to which I answered, “Yes.” They crumbled into fits of laughter, saying “He admits he’s a faggot!”
I’m not even going to mention the time that I was chased by a group of women after a Tori Amos concert who proceeded to hurl insults about how ‘girly’ I appeared, and of course, the f-bomb was dropped often.
Oh well, I guess this is my adversity, and one that I’ve been able to overcome so far. It would be nice if straight people weren’t such entitled asses though.
I’ll leave with a quote from Nina Simone: “You don’t have to live next to me, just give me my equality!”
This post might be all over the place, but I’ve tried to keep it cohesive. I’ll edit and strengthen the argument over time.
A lot of my girlfriends are dating to disastrous results. I actually feel sorry for them. The pool of men is wide and varied, but finding a diamond in this bevy of choices is excruciatingly painful.
As a gay man, you would be surprised to learn that I don’t have many gay friends. In the past I tried to make friendly connections with the people in the gay community, but I always exited politely, mildly disappointed.
A couple of years ago I participated in the Friends for Bike Rally in support of the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation. For six days 300 of us cycled from Toronto to Montreal while raising much-needed funds for an important cause.
It was the first time I had been in the company of so many gay men, and while training in lead up to the big event, I had this vision of a welcoming, accepting community, which helped ease some of the misgiving and reservations I was having.
Everyone on the ride was put into team groups. I belonged to a small team that was selected for me based on a set of criteria that the organizers had asked from me, and they were kind enough to invite me to many social gatherings during the months before departure day, but I always declined in favour of going to the cottage.
Well on the day that we all left for Montreal I was discouraged at how mean some of my team members were. Admittedly I was intimidated to be included in such a group of accomplished cyclists, and they all seemed to have the appropriate equipment, and here I was with a dinky hybrid bike, and almost no clue of how to change a tire. But they sort of held a grudge against me for cancelling so many of their barbecues. I couldn’t help but notice that one of the men in our group, who was older, and who had attended a couple of the soirees the team had organized, wanted little to do with them.
The younger guys were members of a clique and they spent a lot of time criticizing people outside of their group and making judgments about other people’s appearances. One of the individuals I was riding with kept forgetting my name, only he was pretending to forget it, and while at rest stops he would ask where I was, when I was standing right next to him. I think he was trying to make me feel small, to make me “know my place in the hierarchy” but to me, he was just embarrassing himself.
Then there were a lot of sex jokes. Endless amount of sex jokes. Usually when riding on busy streets the cyclists above would indicate for those behind them when the pavement became too uneven, or if there was a pot hole that could prove dangerous. This was a friendly gesture, to ensure no injuries occurred on the trip. The men were fond of yelling out “manhole” to which the reply was always, “I’ll show you a manhole.” Funny, but gross.
Now I don’t meant to elevate myself above this type of humour, I definitely enjoy a dirty joke from time to time, but after a while it got old. I kept trying to turn the conversation into something more meaningful, or serious, like politics, but the topic would always return to sex.
After about six days I was fed up by these people. Especially with the endless amount of cruising and sex noises that came from the tents each night. I was with Keith at the time, as he was volunteering by driving one of the vans around, and people kept coming up to me to ask if we were together. But that still didn’t stop many of them from flirting or shamelessly putting the moves on one or both of us.
On the third day of our trip I was getting a deep massage in one of the tents, as this was provided for free by the organizers. The massage therapists, all men, would cruise at the other men passing the tent and make their usual comments about what they thought, or felt, about their bodies. I learned that they were ass men. At this point I was irritated by this thoughtless, automatic routine, and would roll my eyes as my only means of protest. I mean I was lying there trying to enjoy a deep massage.
But then I got more irritated, and I’ll tell you why. My therapist started to simulate sex with me as he was massaging me!!! Like dry humping me in mid-air.
Clearly irritated, I got up and said, “If I were a woman, this would be completely inappropriate.” I thought he would apologize but instead he insulted me, saying that I was narrow-minded, and needed to relax. I believe he uttered something about me being uncomfortable about my own sexuality.
Well, I’ve never been single, and I’ve had a lot of sex in my life, more than most people, I can say confidently, so maybe that’s why I’m not so obsessed with it. Maybe it is true that the people who talk the most about sex are the people who don’t get enough of it. Anyway, I corrected him, told him that I was travelling with my boyfriend, and that I would prefer a massage without any sexual advances, feigned or otherwise.
After that confrontation I was the source of a lot of stares and gossip from people I didn’t even know. Because of this incident, and because I defended myself, they behaved as though I was the problem.
I started to remember why I preferred the company of women.
This is not to say that I think ALL GAY MEN are like this. I’m not, and I know of others who are not also. But I believe that most men, gay and straight are sex obsessed. I know, news flash! It’s not a gay thing, it’s a MAN thing.
The difference is that straight men have to work harder to get sex, while gay men know exactly what they want and just cut through all the bullshit and hit the sack.
Most of my girlfriends go on dates with men who appear to be wonderful, only to witness their personalities turn ugly when they realize they’re not going to get any sex after.
It’s almost like their penises take control of their brains, and they start to blame women for turning them on. This is quite similar to men who think that a woman is asking to be raped if she dresses provocatively.
Ummm… no, women can dress however they please, it’s up to men to control their primitive impulses that incline them to rape and pillage.
But in my experiences with men, I do notice that they make a lot of excuses for themselves, especially when it comes to sex.
The prevailing notion is that they are genetically predisposed to procreate. They HAVE to spread their seed, sort of speak. I guess I could understand that excuse if we didn’t also have this thing called a brain that helps us reason and form logical responses to illogical and irrational stimuli.
Sex isn’t just about procreation, it also feels good, and men are hedonists, that’s the point. A man loves to stimulate his penis, even if he’s not a good performer, or bothers to consider his partner’s pleasure.
And because we live in a society that places value on how sexy a person is, the world has been tailor-made to not have them think. People are filled with so much insecurity that any male cipher can become a hero in some part of the world.
In the gay community there are a plethora of “hookup” sites. From Manhunt, to Grindr, to… well there are many. I had a Manhunt account for a while and tried a trial version of Grindr for seven days, because I was curious. Plus I’ve never been single so I wanted to know what all of the fuss was about, and perhaps gain a more thorough understanding of why so many gays swear by these sites.
Also when you’re in a relationship you sometimes miss out on the adventures of being single.
You see when I was in Argentina, a lot of people told me that the only way I could meet other gay men was to go on Manhunt. Though Argentina is a progressive nation, they hold tight to rigid arbitrary gender stereotypes and rules, and gay men pride themselves on their masculinity. They don’t have a lot of tolerance for effeminite gay guys.
I was assured by more than one person that Manhunt was the ONLY way to meet gay friends. So I tried. My Manhunt profile had a picture of my face, and a description informing people that I was in a relationship and only looking for friends, not sex. I was put-off by the blatant pornographic advertisements, but as this is the norm of almost all reputable gay publications, including the Advocate, I just felt it was par for the course.
Clearly I was a delusional, naive idiot, because no one wanted to speak with me, and many others ignored my profile description and still tried to hookup with me for sex. So I deleted my account, secure in the knowledge that a site called Manhunt is aptly named.
I was able to meet some gay people though typical means, but oddly even they reiterated that the only way to meet other gay men was on Manhunt, and that was in fact the way they had all met each other. After a while, I learned that most of them had slept with each other, and were intimately aware of one another’s sexual history, present and future.
Does anyone blame me for not wanting to be involved in this type of culture? Does this make me a prude, really? I want to have gay friends, but I don’t want to have that close of a relationship; I would prefer having some level of privacy!
Another thing that surprised me about these sites was how mean-spirited the profiles were. A lot of gay men spend much of their time at the gym. They like to espouse the benefits of a “healthy” lifestyle and to them being healthy means six-pack abs and pectoral muscles. It’s obvious to me that health is not the most important factor here, but rather vanity is. If they were interested in health they wouldn’t smoke, drink and take as many drugs as they do.
This emphasis on appearance permitted many of these men to ask that those who reach out for a connection adhere to their lofty standards, but I also noticed a distaste for “queens”, “fatties”, and “Asians”. That’s right, there’s a huge prejudice towards Asian people on these sites and though it’s a personal choice to be a bigot, I was surprised with how this bias was tolerated.
I’m assuming that the dislike for Asians is routed in the stereotype that they have small penises, and believe me penis size is openly discussed, and important to gay men, especially on these sites. Everyone has an extra-large penis, if their profiles are to be believed.
So gay men provide a forum to find sex easily, while straight men have to settle for Plenty of Fish and LavaLife? I don’t know if these sites still operate, I only hear about them from my girlfriends.
It’s odd to me that so many men choose to accept this type of behaviour as a rule of thumb, rather than attempting to enhance their minds, past the possibility for sex.
I’m not saying that sex isn’t an important part of life, I’m not a prude when it comes to sex, trust me. But if the stories my girlfriends tell me are to be believed, along with my experiences on gay hookup sites, then it’s obvious that men have an unhealthy obsession with sex that the Internet is only making worse.
Is it how we raise men that leads them to believe that this behaviour is appropriate? Are they truly incapable of respecting anyone outside their physical traits? Are they so devoid of any emotional substance?
Certainly something with how men are nurtured is at play here. To only see people as a means to an end is disheartening and even disturbing.
We often hear that if two people want to use each other for sex than that’s okay. I guess. I mean, sure if that’s what they want to do then fine, but what does that say about their character?
Anonymous sex seems boring, scary and essentially disappointing as you’re always left alone with the possibility that you’ve each acquired an STI. Is that one moment when a man orgasms, worth all the effort, and subterfuge he’s put into acquiring it?
So my girlfriends keep searching for Mr. Right. I keep thinking that they’re going to have to settle for someone eventually, especially since many of them are reaching the age where they may want to have children. But I’ll stay positive, and hopeful.
I’ll tell you what I mean by settling. I have a few girlfriends who are in relationships with men who are uncomfortable around gay people. They’re always trying to display their alpha superiority and can’t accept that they may know less about something than a gay person. Why do my girlfriends choose to spend their lives with these men, considering that most of their best friends are gay? Because they’ve run out of time, that’s why!
The others, the ones who are still dating, well they can’t even get their dates to call them back after they’ve simmered their burgeoning sexual advances. Even the apparent good ones seem like their priorities are mixed up.
Men are pigs.
If you haven’t seen this documentary, you must do it now.
With Spanish subtitles.
Update: The movie has since been pulled from YouTube so I’ve replaced it with the trailer. Sorry and thanks!
We Were Here chronicles the AIDS crisis in San Francisco. It’s the first documentary to fully examine the disease from its infancy. I was born during the rise of HIV/AIDS, and I remember while growing up, how fearful people were about sex, and how homophobic the world seemed. The directors interview 5 individuals who were there from the beginning, and they reflect on the lives that were affected by what was an epidemic.
As lovely as it is to see how the community banded together to support each other, it’s also terrible to see how people used AIDS to further stigmatize homosexuals. Gay people have been kicked down time and time again, but manage to survive the abuse with compassion. It’s a testament to the true strength of the human spirit. Sorry for the cheese!
Here’s the movie in its entirety. I hope you watch it, and that you share it with your friends and family.
I learned only this weekend what the Harlem Shake is. Ummmm… and then I found this video involving a sloth and a man with the nicest butt I have ever seen. You’re welcome.
I work with two Australian women who enjoy my appreciation for Australian television shows, like Kath & Kim and Summer Heights High.
The latter is a parody of high-school life epitomized by its three protagonists: effeminate and megalomaniacal “Director of Performing Arts” Mr G; self-absorbed, privileged teenager Ja’mie King; and disobedient, vulgar Tongan student Jonah Takalua.
My favourite is of course Ja’mie King. For reasons clearly demonstrated in the video above.
I love gay Olympic athletes, because they are so brave, and often so very beautiful. 27-year-old speed-skater Blake Skjellerup was recently photographed by James Demitri. And I thought it was very nice indeed. So I’m sharing it for you, my readers! I don’t usually post nudes, but he’s so adorable.
Here I am checkin’ out the bodies ’cause the room is full of hotties. Tomorrow is Family Day in Ontario so naturally I checked out the drag show at Woody’s. It was fun! Time for bed. An overly hot Chilean man took this photo of me.