Flying cat
I pissed my pants after watching this. I think you might too.
Posts from the ‘Funny’ Category
Apr 8
Mar 30
Canadian goose attacks man
Geese often return to the same spot each year to lay their eggs. They can be quite territorial and will attack if they feel that their babies are threatened.
This video of a Toronto man walking to work is funny, and I don’t know who to fear most, the man or the goose. In reality, I want the goose to win.
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Girl in a neon pink dress
This is too much pink
You can actually see her underwear. I always look forward to gay pride week in Toronto. The parade is the icing on the cake and takes place on the first Sunday in July. The woman in the picture is what we in Toronto often refer to as a 905er. Meaning that she lives in the suburbs of Toronto and ventures downtown once a year in the hopes of witnessing a freak show. She treats gay pride more like a spectator sport and gays exist only for her amusement. She’s not particularly gay friendly, and you may hear her say things like, “I have a cousin who is gay…” to which of course you have to roll your eyes. 905ers like the woman above are annoying. They always bring along their heterosexual male friends who say things like, “Alright, give ‘er…” and mistakenly believe that because they’re straight every gay man in sight will shower them with attention. I could go on. The main reason they’re annoying is because they dress like what you see in the photo above and call it good taste.
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Madonna MDNA interview
This is the best Madonna parody I’ve ever watched, and it’s very funny. “I’m very instinctual…” It’s so exaggerated that it’s somehow very accurate as well.
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Someone destroyed my favourite Gauchito Gil shrine
If you remember back in October I wrote about my introduction to the legendary Gauchito Gil mythology one evening while visiting my friend Cristian in Nuñez. Well the very shrine that captivated my attention has been destroyed by scoundrels! I am so upset, that I’ve decided to start a foundation to raise money to restore the shrine back to its former glory. Okay, no I’m not, but I’m outraged damn it! Who would do such a thing?
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Mar 25
What the hell have I done to my hair?
I have a big forehead, kind of like Frasier Crane. I like it.
Let me confess that I don’t have much hair left on the top of my head. On a particularly sunny day I have to wear a baseball cap to protect my scalp from sunburn. I would say that I’ve been slowly losing my hair since I was 22. It’s been very gradual. To be honest, I like my hairline a lot more now than I did when I was younger. I used to have way too much hair, it was thick, didn’t move and was impossible to style.
I am a red-head, but the side effect of male pattern baldness is that your hair colour dulls. Now my hair is more brown than red, but I often hear people refer to it as ‘reddish.’ I’ll take it. When I was growing up I used to hate having red hair. First I was the only kid in elementary and high school with the name Franco and second, besides Melanie, I was the only red-head. People used to call me carrot top, and I would reply that the top of a carrot was green. Dumb asses. Kids are so stupid.
Along with my receding hairline, I’m going grey. Grey hair is the best. I started noticing that my hair was becoming more sparse after catching my friends looking at my hairline one too many times. I didn’t know why they kept staring at the top of my head and then one day I figured it out on my own. I didn’t quite mind going bald, what bothered me was society’s reaction to a very natural process. I felt like I was losing my looks, or my desirability among other gay men. I don’t know why that bothered me, but it did. Now I’m older and more comfortable with my appearance. I’ve learned that if it bothers people that I’m showing signs of old age than that’s more their problem than it is mine.
But that’s sort of what is wrong with our global culture I find. Advertisers prey on our insecurities to sell their products that rarely work. All of us show normal and natural signs of aging, and it’s okay. If we were stronger and more secure with ourselves, it wouldn’t matter very much what people thought of us.
This month Cate Blanchett agreed to pose for the cover of Intelligent Life without Photoshop. Airbrushing is out of control, so much that celebrities don’t look like real people anymore. Unfortunately this has become an expectation when it should be blacklisted. Blanchett received a lot of criticism on the comment section of many blogs, calling her old (she’s 42) and past her prime. Oy. Some people get what she was doing, and others clearly don’t. I wonder how some of the latter individuals will cope when they turn 40.
We shouldn’t pretend that we can defy the physical signs of aging. It’s okay to get older and to find that our bodies are changing. The majority of us don’t want to be judged for things that are out of our control but we’re so quick to point the finger at others, without acknowledging how hurtful and damaging it can be to someone’s psychology.
We often speak without thinking, and what I mean by that is that we say things without having ever thought about the counter argument. We’re simply regurgitating what we’ve heard from others in the desperate desire to fit in. Rather than acceptance, we choose to ostracize people who are different. You know, high school all over again.
A few months ago I was listening to Rosie O’Donnell speak about her friendship with Madonna on Howard Stern’s radio show. Rosie expressed that in the beginning of their relationship it was shocking to her how many people would introduce themselves to Madonna and openly criticize her appearance to her face. Rosie asked Madonna why it didn’t upset her and she responded, “Their criticism is more a reflection of how they feel about themselves, and has nothing to do with me.” I appreciated her resolve. It was refreshing.
Okay so back to me. I keep my hair very short because a) it doesn’t grow long or down, but up and b) I don’t like to touch my hair. I was a little bored yesterday afternoon and decided to give myself a haircut. Here is the result.
The funny part was that I kept telling myself, "It'll grow back." But maybe it won't!
In the past I would have shaved my head entirely but I kind of like it, and I am curious how people will receive my new style. In Canada, WASPs will stare and pretend nothing is out of the ordinary and then later, behind your back, say something cruel. In Argentina, porteños are cruel right to your face. I prefer this instead of the alternative. So far no one has said anything, which I find disappointing.
I would like to say that I don’t care about other people’s opinions about how I look, but it’s a daily challenge. I have to keep telling myself that the only person who I have to please is myself. But I think we all have this problem to some extent, and it’s based on the perceived notion that there is only one standard of beauty. I don’t want to look like Brad Pitt. I want to look like myself, and I want to be appreciated as much as the next person.
But still, even after I’ve written all this, I can’t help but ask myself, “What the hell have I done to my hair!?”
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What’s new, Buenos Aires?
I’m new, I wanna say I’m just a little stuck on you…
Imagine, some people come to Buenos Aires for a better life. Hmmm…..
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Keith and Maude are celebrities
The Knocks asked fans to submit videos of themselves for their music video The Rest of Your Life. Keith and Maude obliged and were selected to appear! Keith even wore his concert t-shirt and looks a little drunk! Good stuff guys! Maude is bemused.
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Mar 19
Mar 3
Missing home is a bitch
“And my new grandma Bea Arthur…” I wish!
The last two weeks have been very hard for me. Upon moving to Buenos Aires I missed the memo that it’s a ghost town from December to February. That can be nice, but when my students took their three-week holidays at the same time, it wasn’t so nice for my finances. I recently got a job as a medical writer for a company in Palermo that should help repair my plummeting bank balance. I start on Monday but I’m also going home in April; luckily my new employer allows for the possibility to work remotely, so I’m happy about that. I’m just bored, and it’s not from a lack of activity.
I’ve seen every major landmark in Argentina with the exception of Patagonia. I have walked every cobbled street in Buenos Aires and checked out almost every pub/bar recommended on travel blogs and every lackluster vegetarian restaurant. But that nagging feeling of returning home is plaguing me, and I think when you reach that point, there is no turning back. First off, I am a proud Canadian. I love my country, and I love Toronto. I miss my routine, and walking my dog and staring at her. Literally, I miss staring at her cuteness.
So to torture myself further here are the top five things I miss about home.
1. Maude and Beenie. I own a three-year-old English Bulldog named Maude and a 5-year-old orange tabby cat named Beenie. I’m an animal lover so not having them with me to sleep with at the end of the day has been very hard. Maude has had an especially difficult couple of months. She had to have knee replacement surgery and developed epilepsy after her operation. The seizures are not easy to watch. When I was home I witnessed three and my heart literally broke. The fear is that any seizure that lasts more than five minutes could result in cardiac arrest and eventual death. I can’t even think about it. The good news is that the medication has lessened the severity of her condition and her knee has healed perfectly. Thanks to Keith, Scott, Victoria and the entire McCallum family for seeing her through this. Beeine, on the other hand, is still a bitch. I’ve heard and seen photographic evidence that she has claimed Maude’s crate as her own and sleeps in it at night. She weights 5 pounds, and Maude weighs 50. A smart woman she does not make.
2. My friends. I miss Lisa. I miss Alisha. I miss Raquel. I miss Christine. I miss Larissa, and Lori and Allyson and Heather, and Amy and everyone, just everyone. I miss our evening chats in a pub drinking way too much beer and then falling asleep and doing it all over again the next day. I miss all their partners. I miss dancing in my living room and drinking wine, vodka, or whatever concoction Keith comes up with. Most importantly I just miss their pure awesomeness. I have possibly the greatest friends in the world. I think it’s compounded by co-dependency. I’ve known Lisa since I was 6-years-old and I consider her my sister. I’ve known Alisha, Raquel and Christine for fifteen years and consider them my best friends. I miss their wisdom and their presence in my life. I hope I’m the first to die because I can’t fathom living without them.
3. Toronto. Yes, the greatest city in the world. I really miss my hometown. Toronto gets a lot of flack from the rest of Canada but I’ve travelled extensively and can say it is the best place to live. Don’t get me wrong, it can be pretentious, but it’s easy to avoid those parts and embrace the down-to-earth local charm many of its unique neighbourhoods, bars and restaurants offer. My favourite part about living in Toronto is weekend afternoon beers. I haven’t found anyone in Buenos Aires to replicate that experience with, although I’ve adopted alternatives that have proved just as interesting. I like the conversation obtained after a few pints of Canadian lager; there’s something about sitting in a pub while the snow gently falls outside that’s so comforting. Porteños are over obsessed with image and it gets tiring when all you want to do is get smashed and dance on the table.
4. Alcohol. I miss vodka. None of the porteños I know enjoy alcohol and call me an alcoholic if I have two pints of beer. A porteños idea of a good time is far different than mine. I’ve gone to some gay bars with some of the gay friends I met here and it’s a very odd affair. First, none of my friends make it a priority to order drinks at the bar. Second, they just stand and stare at the men, nursing their water the entire evening. And third, no one speaks. Conversation is definitely lacking, but I guess when you’re trying to cruise it’s better to gawk than pay attention to your friends. After all, a gay man has to get laid! They all go home alone.
5. Quiet! Buenos Aires is loud. That can be alluring on days when your blood is pulsing with energy and you just can’t wait to get out and hit the pavement, but when the drivers start honking their horns and screaming at each other for not running a red light, I get tired. I miss the quiet streets of Toronto. Now it’s hard to compare both cities. Buenos Aires is a city of 13 million people while Toronto, excluding the greater area, has a population of 2.5 million. I love nothing more than waking early on Saturday and Sunday morning, taking Maude out and walking to Starbucks or Second Cup for that specially brewed coffee. After we’re cozy and warm we head to buy local produce and/or antiques at the St. Lawrence Market’s north building. And parks — I miss High Park! There are no large green spaces in Buenos Aires, and if they did exist, they would be breeding grounds for crime.
In addition to this list I also miss my iPod which was pick-pocketed from me last month, and running, which I can’t do because I need music to motivate me. I can’t buy a replacement in Buenos Aires because the prices are absurd and if I have one shipped from Canada, Cristina’s import restrictions assure that I won’t ever receive it. It’ll just land in some Argentine’s needy pocket.
So yes, I am homesick and I’ve written this blog post to prove it!
Now I’m going to try and see if I can buy beer with a 100 bank note. This always gets annoying.
