May 27
This past Wednesday Robin Quivers — Howard Stern’s sidekick for over 30 years — had an operation to remove a tumour pressing on her bladder. It was the first show she has ever missed, and here Howard speaks for the first time, on how much she means to him.
I hope she gets better.
As Rosie O’Donnell was leaving the Superbowl in March she attempted to talk some sense into a Christian fundamentalist who was yelling anti-gay obscenities with a megaphone. His response was to call her a fat pig and other similar but usual insults that people with no brains like to throw around. The sad part is Rosie’s daughter, Vivi, who after witnessing the whole exchange, runs to hold the hand of her mother who is being berated by a hate monger.
I love her response: “I’m going to go home and fuck my wife.” This video provides another reason why I will always love Rosie. She actually posted this on her blog months ago but people are just starting to pay attention to it.
Apr 1
This has already been viewed 2 million times. I want to like Lady GaGa, in part because her performance in the video above is a clear demonstration of her enormous talent. My wish is that she would let the music do more of the talking, instead of hiding behind a cloak of theatrical costumes and publicity stunts. Most entertainers brand themselves that way to distract the audience from the fact that they have no real musical ability. GaGa is in a league of her own.
This is a beautiful acoustic version of the song, The Edge of Glory. She’s a little over-the-top but I love it, and I hope you do too.
I swear to God I did not want to laugh with this but I couldn’t help it. Actually it took me about 30 minutes to regain my composure and now I must share it with all of you. The music is genius, just genius. I love dlisted. It’s my guilty pleasure.
Mar 25
I have a big forehead, kind of like Frasier Crane. I like it.
Let me confess that I don’t have much hair left on the top of my head. On a particularly sunny day I have to wear a baseball cap to protect my scalp from sunburn. I would say that I’ve been slowly losing my hair since I was 22. It’s been very gradual. To be honest, I like my hairline a lot more now than I did when I was younger. I used to have way too much hair, it was thick, didn’t move and was impossible to style.
I am a red-head, but the side effect of male pattern baldness is that your hair colour dulls. Now my hair is more brown than red, but I often hear people refer to it as ‘reddish.’ I’ll take it. When I was growing up I used to hate having red hair. First I was the only kid in elementary and high school with the name Franco and second, besides Melanie, I was the only red-head. People used to call me carrot top, and I would reply that the top of a carrot was green. Dumb asses. Kids are so stupid.
Along with my receding hairline, I’m going grey. Grey hair is the best. I started noticing that my hair was becoming more sparse after catching my friends looking at my hairline one too many times. I didn’t know why they kept staring at the top of my head and then one day I figured it out on my own. I didn’t quite mind going bald, what bothered me was society’s reaction to a very natural process. I felt like I was losing my looks, or my desirability among other gay men. I don’t know why that bothered me, but it did. Now I’m older and more comfortable with my appearance. I’ve learned that if it bothers people that I’m showing signs of old age than that’s more their problem than it is mine.
But that’s sort of what is wrong with our global culture I find. Advertisers prey on our insecurities to sell their products that rarely work. All of us show normal and natural signs of aging, and it’s okay. If we were stronger and more secure with ourselves, it wouldn’t matter very much what people thought of us.
This month Cate Blanchett agreed to pose for the cover of Intelligent Life without Photoshop. Airbrushing is out of control, so much that celebrities don’t look like real people anymore. Unfortunately this has become an expectation when it should be blacklisted. Blanchett received a lot of criticism on the comment section of many blogs, calling her old (she’s 42) and past her prime. Oy. Some people get what she was doing, and others clearly don’t. I wonder how some of the latter individuals will cope when they turn 40.
We shouldn’t pretend that we can defy the physical signs of aging. It’s okay to get older and to find that our bodies are changing. The majority of us don’t want to be judged for things that are out of our control but we’re so quick to point the finger at others, without acknowledging how hurtful and damaging it can be to someone’s psychology.
We often speak without thinking, and what I mean by that is that we say things without having ever thought about the counter argument. We’re simply regurgitating what we’ve heard from others in the desperate desire to fit in. Rather than acceptance, we choose to ostracize people who are different. You know, high school all over again.
A few months ago I was listening to Rosie O’Donnell speak about her friendship with Madonna on Howard Stern’s radio show. Rosie expressed that in the beginning of their relationship it was shocking to her how many people would introduce themselves to Madonna and openly criticize her appearance to her face. Rosie asked Madonna why it didn’t upset her and she responded, “Their criticism is more a reflection of how they feel about themselves, and has nothing to do with me.” I appreciated her resolve. It was refreshing.
Okay so back to me. I keep my hair very short because a) it doesn’t grow long or down, but up and b) I don’t like to touch my hair. I was a little bored yesterday afternoon and decided to give myself a haircut. Here is the result.
The funny part was that I kept telling myself, "It'll grow back." But maybe it won't!
In the past I would have shaved my head entirely but I kind of like it, and I am curious how people will receive my new style. In Canada, WASPs will stare and pretend nothing is out of the ordinary and then later, behind your back, say something cruel. In Argentina, porteños are cruel right to your face. I prefer this instead of the alternative. So far no one has said anything, which I find disappointing.
I would like to say that I don’t care about other people’s opinions about how I look, but it’s a daily challenge. I have to keep telling myself that the only person who I have to please is myself. But I think we all have this problem to some extent, and it’s based on the perceived notion that there is only one standard of beauty. I don’t want to look like Brad Pitt. I want to look like myself, and I want to be appreciated as much as the next person.
But still, even after I’ve written all this, I can’t help but ask myself, “What the hell have I done to my hair!?”
I was disappointed to wake up this morning to find that the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) cancelled The Rosie Show. OWN launched in January 2011 but has struggled to find a sizeable following. They were hoping that Rosie O’Donnell would help turn their luck around.
The Rosie Show made it’s much hyped debut in October 2011 and immediately attracted over 500,000 viewers, a sizeable number for a cable network. However within a week numbers fell below 200,000 until levelling off and averaging 230,000 a show.
Similar programs on OWN have met the same fate, including shows featuring Oprah Winfrey. For example, Oprah’s Next Chapter opened to 1 million viewers, but fell dramatically after its third episode. It’s curious then as to why OWN axed The Rosie Show.
O’Donnell had recently changed the show’s format. For the first three months The Rosie Show was filmed on the lavish stage that was once home to The Oprah Winfrey Show, but O’Donnell quickly grew tired of having to perform in front of a live audience, in part because she felt that it didn’t allow for a more natural interview with her guests. After Christmas break she introduced a new set and intimate one-on-one celebrity interviews sans audience. She cut the shows budget in half and fired 30 Harpo staff members. Viewership was growing. And then late last night news came that the show was cancelled.
I understand that Rosie is a polarizing figure but I’ve always admired her. In a society that says overweight lesbians shouldn’t have a voice, she does, and unapologetically so. Her syndicated talk show The Rosie O’Donnell Show was a huge success, and in 2007, she helped make the The View relevant again. In 2011, after her appearance on the last season of The Oprah Winfrey Show, offers for her to return to daytime television intensified.
She was about to sign a contract with NBC, but disagreed with their treatment of Conan O’Brien, and began to inquire about joining OWN’s fledgling schedule. Oprah learned of this, and flew out to Rosie’s compound in Nyack, New York. After a four hour meeting, Rosie abandoned her deal with NBC and signed on with OWN for a reported $10 million annual salary. Initially the show was going to take the 4 p.m. time-slot made vacant by Winfrey, but the decision was made to air it at 7 p.m. The rest is history.
It’s perplexing that the show was cancelled as it was beginning to find its stride. I believe it might have had something to do with the format change, and that the executives were not informed about it. But who knows. The truth is that OWN is struggling, and even Oprah can’t save it. It’ll be interesting to see what will happen.
Below is an amazing interview that Rosie gave Piers Morgan a month ago. If you skip near the 25:30 mark she talks about her dark childhood and visiting a centre for abused children in protective custody. It’s a great example of how genuine she is, and what a generous heart she has. It’s well reported that she has given more than half of her $100 million fortune to charity.
This is why I love her.
Feb 13
The morning after The Grammys, Buzzfeed published a piece entitled “25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions to Chris Brown At The Grammys”. It’s a disturbing read, but not entirely surprising. Women cavalierly condoning violence against other women is anything but new.
Being a member of our society can be embarrassing. We’re not terribly respectful of each other are we? It’s reflective of our own self-loathing. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for women to be constantly objectified the world over. A woman’s value is determined solely on how she appears. But how much do women play a part in all of this? When you look at it objectively, they’re more guilty than men.
Lately I’ve been obsessed with following the interactions between people on Twitter. It’s frightening how quickly they make false assumptions, and resort to childish name-calling against anyone with differing opinions. Ever the optimist I attempted to intervene on a couple of occasions and had to abort my mission when confronted with irrational tweeters. In some cases I was surprised to learn that the majority of offenders were over the age of 35. I attempted to explain to the most vicious tweeters that their attitude was a poor representation of their character and not the person whom they were attacking. I was branded a “preacher” and as being “arrogant.” Fair enough, but my intention was to raise the level of dialogue from that of grade school antics, to mature thoughtful adult conversation. So much for that.
One of the most annoying and persistent comments was in regards to Adele’s weight. “She has such a pretty face, but she’s too fat,” was a common concern amongst many female tweeters. “I’m really worried about her health,” was another. The latter argument especially bothers me, because it presents superficial people feigning concern to mask their prejudice about size. I myself have been guilty of this in the past and it was only after I had a conversation with Alisha that I learned the folly of my ways.
There are a plethora of unhealthy skinny people with bad eating habits but we never say, “Oh I’m really worried about her health.” Being slim is revered, no matter how it’s achieved. But the impact of eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia are far more damaging than being 30 pounds over weight. Living in Buenos Aires I’m disappointed with how vain and appearance obsessed Argentines are. Self-worth is achieved with a small waist and big breasts, which explains the high rate of plastic surgery in the country.
The debate regarding Adele’s weight, which coincidentally is no one’s business but Adele’s, is that fat is bad and skinny is good. Where and how did we ever reach this conclusion? Marilyn Monroe was a size 10, and she was considered the sexiest woman in the world when she was alive. Today’s standards are alarmingly unrealistic, asking women to fit into size zero dresses and labelling any woman who can’t as fat.
When did women become so critical of each other? Last year Keith and I were having a beer at our local pub when a group of unruly women nursing hangovers from the night before sat behind us. The conversation turned to Katy Perry and I was interested to hear their opinions about her music, considering that she became famous for a song about kissing a girl, and then made disparaging comments about gay people months later. I was surprised that the only thing these women wanted to talk about was her appearance. “She’s so ugly,” they agreed. Not one comment about her occupation was shared, just a systematic dismantling and critique of her face and body. I was mortified.
Being gay I am well aware of the pressures men place on appearance. Men happen to be more visual, and it’s an attitude we require of them so that we feel attractive. But that’s the problem. We’re rewarding men for being assholes. I’ve had this discussion with countless gay men in Argentina. All horned up and ready for sex they cruise each other with a passion best reserved for reading a good book. They have a very narrow definition of what beauty is, and the appalling thing for me, is that the ones with the highest standards don’t match up to their own lofty physical requirements.
Years ago an interviewer asked Tori Amos what she thought about Madonna kissing Britney Spears at an awards show. The ever thoughtful Amos paused, and then said, “Well it’s not about the music is it?” Here is a woman who learned to play piano by ear at the age of 3-years-old, was the youngest person to ever be accepted to the Peabody Institute of Classical Music at 5-years-old, and the sole composer of over 1,000 original pieces of composition. A prolific singer-songwriter, her soprano voice and live performances have captivated audiences for over twenty years but if you were to read the comments about her on YouTube the only topics people want to discuss is her face, weight and how old she is. As though age is something that will escape the commenters.
“The rules apply to everyone else but me” is the message I’m getting from these individuals. Those who are the most critical are the least likely to accept criticism. I understand the pressures that women face, but what I don’t understand is how competitive and mean-spirited they are with each other. The tweets presented on Buzzfeed were written by women willing to be victims of violence to attract a man. What does that say about our society and our treatment of women? That society has a problem, is what it says.
And this problem is going to persist as long as people refuse to acknowledge their own responsibility. We all need to take accountability for our prejudices and be more accepting of people who look different from the models in magazines and challenge those who make disparaging comments about women’s appearances. The best antidote for ignorance is education.
Adele shouldn’t be judged by how she looks, but rather her talent, which is obviously plentiful. Unlike other pop artists, she doesn’t need pyrotechnics, outrageous costumes and complicated dance moves to distract the audience from the fact that she has no talent. Her mainstream success is going to save the music industry because she’s reminding radio listeners that what matters most in music, is music. Her voice is all she needs to entertain and move her audience. Her size is completely irrelevant.
Let’s remember that, instead of tolerating bad habits we learned in junior high. Shall we?
Feb 12
I wasn’t that surprised about Whitney Houston’s passing. She had been absent from reality for well over a decade. My older siblings have struggled with addiction for years. As a family we did what we could but it’s a complicated mess of a disorder.
It goes to show you that money and notoriety can’t bring happiness. It isn’t a magic wand like a lot of people think it is, and the demons that lurk inside us, can’t be chased away because we’re recognized.
Fame is a very strange thing in our culture. We believe that famous people are somehow more valuable than those with nine to five jobs. I’ve always rejected this attitude our culture has towards celebrity. It’s the art of distraction, designed so that we don’t have to confront the perils of a dwindling economic system, wars, famine, poverty and so much more.
Last year, for some bizarre reason I started to listen to Whitney Houston’s music. To this day I have never watched The Bodyguard, or any of her movies. I thought that like most people in that stratosphere of fame, she wasn’t all that talented. Sure she had a beautiful voice, but she couldn’t write music, and she was just as marketed as every other mainstream musician. She was simply a money-making machine for the music industry.
Comfortable in my smugness I gave her greatest hits album a listen and I was mesmerized by her voice. It was unlike anything that I’ve ever heard, and will probably ever hear again. I was a convert, and apologized for my earlier judgments. This was a God-given voice.
Now she’s dead. At 48. Leaving behind her young daughter. If there is any consolation in this tragedy, it is the idea that she has been released from whatever haunted her all these years.
Feb 8
Those people who are opposed to civil rights, are on the losing end of the argument. History will reflect their bigotry. Trust me.
Argentina and Canada are two countries that support and legalized marriage equality and they should be commended, no doubt. I am proud to be a Canadian for many reasons, primarily because gay people are equal members of our society, protected under our Charter of Rights and Freedom and the Bill of Rights.
The U.S. still has some ways to go. In many states it is still illegal for gay people to adopt. Illegal. Can you imagine that? I can’t fathom going through my life with restrictions that my fellow heterosexual citizens don’t have.
Ellen Degeneres is one of the more vocal gay celebrities and recently she teamed with J.C. Penny to be their new spokesperson. Not everyone was happy with this news. An organization called One Million Moms started a campaign to get Ellen fired. They argue that because she is gay, she doesn’t represent “traditional values” and that J.C. Penny is not “remaining neutral in the culture-war” between heterosexuals and homosexuals.
Here’s my thing about people of any religious (but in this case Christian) organization, who oppose gay rights. There is no greater lifestyle than a Christian lifestyle. If you want to talk about choice, let’s talk about your choice to be hateful. If you believe that gay people are an abomination, perverts, and corrupting the morals of society you’re not living in reality. Because you choose to be religious and follow an antiquated doctrine, does not mean that everyone else in your country should or even wants to.
I understand that to justify your choices you want people to accept your worldview, but as a gay person, I don’t live a lifestyle, and I certainly don’t choose to be discriminated against by narrow-minded simpletons like yourselves.
If you’re straight think about how difficult it is for gay people. You can walk in public holding your partners’ hand without the threat of violence. Gay people, even in countries like Canada, face the potential of physical violence if they display public affection. How would you like it if that was your reality?
Anyway, Ellen discusses the entire debacle in the video above. Enjoy.
Chau.
Occasionally I use Ted.com lectures in my English classes. They’re great listening exercises for my students and they expose them to ideas and opinions they may be unfamiliar with. The videos serve as a great conversational tool, not only for my students, but for me.
This morning I viewed a lecture by Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote Eat, Pray, Love. I have not read the book or watched the movie but I am familiar with the story. In many ways it resembles my life, only instead of traveling to Italy, India and Indonesia, I ended up in South America.
The book became an international best seller. And it’s easy to say why. Many of us are unhappy in our lives, going from day-to-day in mundane jobs and boring relationships because it’s what we’ve been told we’re supposed to want. It’s easy to imagine why so many women, and some men, found refuge by reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir.
During her Ted.com lecture which you can view above, Gilbert talks about her success and the anxiety she feels with attempting to write a new book under such lofty expectations. I am curious what success means to her. In our society it is always connected with money, but more on that later.
Gilbert accurately summarizes that creativity and suffering are intricately linked. When you think about it, the most prolific and relevant actors, authors and musicians have endured atypical hardships. If you watch Meryl Streep in the film, Sophie’s Choice, it’s clear that she is an actress who has experienced loss and pain. There is no way a performance like that doesn’t take something from you physically and emotionally. It’s a painful process.
Today we hear the word genius bandied about freely. A year ago people were saying that Charlie Sheen was a genius. We offer the word up as though it means something, but it’s lost its might. It’s now attached more to the ego of an individual, and has been disrespected.
Ancient Greeks believed in Daemon’s, who were good, benevolent nature spirits that aided an artist’s creativity. The Romans believed that genius was a separate entity that the individual had to work in partnership with to create. Nowadays we believe that it’s something innate within all of us, and Gilbert explains that this has been detrimental for artists over the last 500 years, because it puts their success or failure squarely on their own shoulders, when in fact the artist and his/her genius are two separate energies with distinct roles in the creative process.
Tori Amos believes that her music is alive. She has explained countless times to lazy, and rather uninspired reporters, that they live apart from her, and come to her when they are prepared to be transcribed. Her respect for the song-girls (as she refers to them), and humility, are responsible for the creation of some of the most wonderful and poignant stories of the 20th and 21st Centuries.
She is not alone. Many musicians and poets including Tom Waits and the late Ruth Stone believe that energies appear to them and ask that they take dictation.Through this process of creation these artists have rediscovered what the Ancient Greeks and Romans always knew: That creation is something independent from sentient beings. Artists are the humble conduits in which these messages take life.
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