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Archive for May 14th, 2011

May 14

Age

In the kitchenthe blurred image above is of me. it represents my mind.

i look in the mirror and wonder how i got this old. i’m very happy to be 32. i would never want to turn the clock back and be 20-something. what i would like is more time.

life is wondrous. with all the pain that we must endure we still want to wake up in the morning. if only to smell the flowers. it’s that plain.

i relate to the song “the sound of…” which poignantly says, “life is simple like the wrinkles on my skin.”

as i get older and i watch my body sag, wrinkle and droop i hope to retain the knowledge i’ve obtained from my years on earth. no matter how much our bodies degrade, no one can take away our wisdom. a wisdom that has taken a lifetime to find.

next time you’re confronting your reflection in the mirror remember to look into your eyes. the windows of the soul are covered with rain. it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

May 14

It is raining

for me, the rain is soothing. for some, it’s an inconvenience. i am sitting at my dining room table thinking about my life.

i have met many people over the years who i no longer know. whether it’s because they were work colleagues and i left that specific job, or i had a falling out with someone, or i merely moved or they moved — poof — they have disappeared.

however, i have come to appreciate their significance in my life.

when i was little my cousin Vanessa visited my family home in Brampton. she had come from Nova Scotia, where my mother was born and raised.

i enjoyed her company. she was funny, smart, beautiful and besides my mother, the only immediate female influence i had. after her visit i never saw Vanessa again. i know that she is married now, but i don’t know if she has any children. she would make an excellent parent.

she represents a number of individuals who quickly entered, affected and then left my life.

was it all a dream?

sometimes i think everything i experience is  a piece of my dream-life, which is in essence fictional. everyone is merely a means to an end, until i awake in my real existence, which will look and feel nothing like my dream-life.

perhaps this makes no sense to you; what i’m saying is that you are a figment of my dream, and not real, unlike me.

my friend left the other day and i am sad. i want him to come back but in the same thought, i don’t want him to. i want him to enjoy his life without me, as he did before we were friends. it might be in my best interest to understand that i can’t have everything i want, and that the beauty of life is that it’s filled with heartache.

and if i hold onto the notion that everyone is a fictional character in my dream, then i won’t allow myself to be sad.

May 14

Cute kid

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